In which I ponder the quantum mechanical nature of life

I often wish I could just tape my thoughts and replay them. I had a long monologue with myself coming home from work about what I was going to write here. It was, if I recall correctly, fairly profound. Ah well. I'm tired of being tired, but there it is. I keep trying to push the words out and to practice pushing the words out. It's all about conquering perfection. This may be dumb, it may be profound, it really doesn't matter as long as the words are set down. I don't know if I care whether or not anyone reads this. But I want to get used to spitting out words, any words, and silencing my inner critic. Fifteen minutes a day of drivel, or whatever. I'm still down on it since it's not perfection, but perfection is just a form of procrastion. Ok, there was really a lot I wanted to say about the evils of perfection, and betrayal, and stuff like that, but first I'm going to blather about possiblilities.

I like the quantum-eye view. The Schroedinger's cat thing- the cat is neither alive nor dead until you actually look. It's like rolling dice: the total can be anything from 2 to 12, but until you actually role, all sums are possible. Not all sums are equally likely, but all are possible. Then you roll, and it's a 7, and all those possibilities vanish in the face of reality. Relationships are very much like that. In the beginning, before anything happens, all outcomes are possible. And you can think of all outcomes, or dwell on your favorite ones, and they still have the possibility of coming into being. But once you make a choice here, have a date there, the observations replace and narrow down the possibilities. That first being in love stage is before the wave function collapses, and the dreams are endless. I just like thinking of it that way because I'm a geek. But I hear geeks are in vogue now anyway.

So that's my quantum view. Life is like that too- a new baby is pure potential, uncollapsed wave function. Life observations narrow down the behavoir until poof, you have a kid in therapy because you yelled at him for not brushing his teeth at night once too often. All the things I could've been, done, or chosen are buried in that collapsed wave function.

I've actually run on about that idea before, when I tried doing this thing on paper. But I didn't get any father with it on paper than I usually do. I am always too aware someone else will read it, and off goes the inner critic censoring every third word and telling me how idiotic it sounds and how no one could possilby be interested in anything I have to say. So I'm faking myself out. I'm going to start with the assumption that anyone who wants to can read this, and I'll probably find out that no one is reading it. Of course, I am not currently letting anyone know where it is, though I did break down yesterday and give the link to someone. But I'm also trying to fight this pathetic urge to seek out approval for what I do. Sad, but there it is. This is all about finding out where I am so I can move out of that place into another one.

And with that, dear readers, I will leave you with this quote:
Lord, what fools these mortals be.