In which I have an existential crisis?

Ok, so why is it getting harder to think about my story instead of easier? As the 1st approaches, I seem to drift further away from the idea. One last fling before committing, is that it? Or just fear it won't work out? The resistance to writing these entries is getting higher, too. The lure of a good book, the call of sleep, precious sleep, and other things all seem to be overwhelming me. My fingers pause more, my mind blanks more. It's like the big resistance before the big fight. Well, nothing to do about it except ignore it and forge ahead.

This may be a short entry, though, simply because I stop so much.

I'm trying to drag my mind back on my story, but all I seem to be able to think about is work, the upcoming election, and family. The story is just there. I know I'm working on it at some level. I have to remember the goal--words, not perfection. words not perfection. And I need to give myself a swift kick and get out of the self-pitying state I'm in. It's not good for me.

Part of it may be I'm just not feeling well. It's migraine weather. Was doing ok, though, until my eye-exam. Doc shone a bright light in my eyes "to see the back of my eyes" and that instantly triggered the headache. If I go to bed, the headache may go away by tomorrow. I can't really not show up at work tomorrow, so I'd prefer that the headache go away.

I hate entries where I stare at the clock all the time and count minutes. So I won't count the minutes here. Let's just say it hasn't been long enough. I hope I'm as good at blathering within the story as out of it, though it kills me to put down unneeded words...

I look at those people (person?) last year who claim to have done about a million or so, and wonder how... did they have a random word generator typing for them? I'm not sure I could type a million words in a month even if I went at it non-stop and did just type random words. I did notice, too, they didn't have their count verified... So that's not my goal. My goal is a workable draft with at least 50,000 words in it.
Quality can come later. Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock, and The Stephen Kings... and that snarky series taking over the YA bookshelf. Never give up, never surrender!

Enough of babble. Come! (Three points to anyone who can place that quote without using Google)