In which I pretend I don't mind being a blade of grass
Well, it was touch and go tonight whether I'd find the will to write. I'm not feeling at all creative. But I have to remind myself over and over as often as necessary that it's not about being creative. Not yet, anyway. It's about habits of mind. And so I'm pouring out more stuff because it's time to pour out more stuff.
I'm reminded of a quote which was something along the lines of a forest needing grass blades to carpet it just as much as it needs the big tall trees. At the time I first read it, it comforted me, because I was a grass blade wishing I were a tree. Now I'm thinking of it in terms of writing: you need the carpet of non-brilliant words grass so that your brilliant word trees are properly supported. Or something like that.
Ok, so I need to stop asking myself what deep philosophical gems I can drop in this blog, I need to stop feeling pressured to make every word perform. I don't want to fall into the perfection trap now, not when I'm about to do something for which perfection would be fatal. After all, there are two kinds of books: perfect books, and finished books. Perfection is an evil and must be eradicated. I need to be able to spout, and not care about how brilliant or stupid I sound. But, of course, I do care. I don't like presenting less than my best. So I have to work up to it. I'm starting to tell a few more people where this is (hi people!) because, well, it's easier to be imperfect in private. I'm trying to be imperfect in public. That's a lot harder.But hey, I'm learning I can blather like anyone else. I may or may not be interesting to read, but I'm at least putting down something to read.
Total stream of consciousness here. I guess I'm worrying more about my secret audience because I'm actually writing with someone else in the room. They aren't reading what I'm writing, but I'm overly aware that they are here, and in the room. I'm also aware of the pain in my wrist. i just mention that because it's there and in my way.
I am so trying to keep my concentration during the day. I keep thinking about family, my story, my schedule, my company, just about anything other than what I'm supposed to do. Good thing the ideas ferment in the meantime, and when I do focus, everything gets done pretty quickly. It all averages out in the end, but I worry occaionally about how much lead time in random thought I seem to need before I can work on something. I'm hoping it won't be this way with NaNo, because I can't afford that if I'm going to make my goal.
I will, by the way, put up a meter here once things start so that folks can track my progress. Just a visual indicator of where I am in the story. I think I'd rather have the NaNo bar if I can get the code, but we'll see...
Ok, more short paragraphs tonight. I think I try too hard to think of things to say, and push the return key to give me time. I can come up with all sorts of delay tricks if I want! I can type up about how I'm delaying, I can type about how purple cows have yellow horns, whatever. Yes, I am in fact running out of things to say. I usually do.
So let's talk about the story. Urban, of sorts. Not sure how real to make the setting. Definite unreal mythical element to it. Still thinking Jr High kids, though it may be better to make them high school, I'm not sure that works with the starting premise. Hmmm.... Will they care about substitutes in high school?? Come to think of it, will they care about them in Jr High? I think so, if it's the right sub... Latin teacher, maybe? Then I could make it a small homage to my old latin teacher, who was a wonderful influence in my life. And it would be quirky. Ok, high school it is. It feels more right with the characters, anyway. Though I really don't have much idea of how HS kids behave these days, but I'm expecting that kids are kids, and if I draw on a lot of my own HS angst, I should do pretty well. Lord knows I have enough HS angst to draw from!!
I'm reminded of a quote which was something along the lines of a forest needing grass blades to carpet it just as much as it needs the big tall trees. At the time I first read it, it comforted me, because I was a grass blade wishing I were a tree. Now I'm thinking of it in terms of writing: you need the carpet of non-brilliant words grass so that your brilliant word trees are properly supported. Or something like that.
Ok, so I need to stop asking myself what deep philosophical gems I can drop in this blog, I need to stop feeling pressured to make every word perform. I don't want to fall into the perfection trap now, not when I'm about to do something for which perfection would be fatal. After all, there are two kinds of books: perfect books, and finished books. Perfection is an evil and must be eradicated. I need to be able to spout, and not care about how brilliant or stupid I sound. But, of course, I do care. I don't like presenting less than my best. So I have to work up to it. I'm starting to tell a few more people where this is (hi people!) because, well, it's easier to be imperfect in private. I'm trying to be imperfect in public. That's a lot harder.But hey, I'm learning I can blather like anyone else. I may or may not be interesting to read, but I'm at least putting down something to read.
Total stream of consciousness here. I guess I'm worrying more about my secret audience because I'm actually writing with someone else in the room. They aren't reading what I'm writing, but I'm overly aware that they are here, and in the room. I'm also aware of the pain in my wrist. i just mention that because it's there and in my way.
I am so trying to keep my concentration during the day. I keep thinking about family, my story, my schedule, my company, just about anything other than what I'm supposed to do. Good thing the ideas ferment in the meantime, and when I do focus, everything gets done pretty quickly. It all averages out in the end, but I worry occaionally about how much lead time in random thought I seem to need before I can work on something. I'm hoping it won't be this way with NaNo, because I can't afford that if I'm going to make my goal.
I will, by the way, put up a meter here once things start so that folks can track my progress. Just a visual indicator of where I am in the story. I think I'd rather have the NaNo bar if I can get the code, but we'll see...
Ok, more short paragraphs tonight. I think I try too hard to think of things to say, and push the return key to give me time. I can come up with all sorts of delay tricks if I want! I can type up about how I'm delaying, I can type about how purple cows have yellow horns, whatever. Yes, I am in fact running out of things to say. I usually do.
So let's talk about the story. Urban, of sorts. Not sure how real to make the setting. Definite unreal mythical element to it. Still thinking Jr High kids, though it may be better to make them high school, I'm not sure that works with the starting premise. Hmmm.... Will they care about substitutes in high school?? Come to think of it, will they care about them in Jr High? I think so, if it's the right sub... Latin teacher, maybe? Then I could make it a small homage to my old latin teacher, who was a wonderful influence in my life. And it would be quirky. Ok, high school it is. It feels more right with the characters, anyway. Though I really don't have much idea of how HS kids behave these days, but I'm expecting that kids are kids, and if I draw on a lot of my own HS angst, I should do pretty well. Lord knows I have enough HS angst to draw from!!
posted by BlogShy | 9:23 PM
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