In which I stroll along the path of good intentions (and we know where that leads)

Well, I almost skipped tonight's entry- it was very late and I was sleepy. But then the thought hurricane started up again, and I figured it was a message to get up and go type out an entry. The book wasn't quite holding my attention. Yeah, I get teased about my book addiction, and I do use reading rather like some sort of mind-altering substance. Books are often the only thing that can shut my brain up and get it to cease its insistent yakking at me. This book, though, wasn't quite up to the job, as enjoyable as it was. So I figured I'd do a brain dump, and maybe I could get that to work. If not, I'll try a book on tape- those usually put me out pretty quickly. Better than Benadryl. Besides, I should try to finish off that Pratchett book I've got on tape.

Well, I really need to do a 180 degree thinking shift about some aspects of my life. Not sure how, though. I doubt staying up til all hours will help the current state of mind, though. I did read that sleep deprivation could, in the short term, kick you out of a depression. In the long term, though, it's worse than nothing. Not surprising.

I don't know. I think I understand the saying that the paths of hell are paved with good intentions. I do mean well. Is it that life is unfair, and meaning well is never enough? Or is it something about the way I look at things? Why can't I look at the good FIRST? I need to make that shift.

Didn't do much toward the story today, other than contemplate the names Calli and Justin and what the meaning switch might imply for the story. Meant to look up some other names, but didn't.

Was going to ramble on about shoulds, etc, but I forgot for the moment what I'd been thinking of earlier. Should is a nasty word, though. Oh, that was it. It was about defining your best. So, I was going to work on getting stuff up off the floor tonight, but succumed to the lure of the book.... So, if I didn't want to do the one task at all, but I did want to read the book, is it "doing my best" to read the book instead of cleaning? Or is the fact I couldn't face the cleaning important too? In other words, what if, with the situation currently, all you really could focus on was book because you were too depressed to do anything you thought you should do? Would reading the book then be "doing my best" when it actually really was given everything that was going on?? Ok, this is now totally incoherent- my eyes are closing. So I guess the brain dump thing might just work.....