In which I take a deep breath

Well, this will be my last long entry for a while. NaNo starts in an hour and a half here, though I probably won't start until tomorrow morning or possibly evening, depending on how I feel. Which, right now, is not terribly well.

I'm still settling on an opening. I expect I'll just have to plough through with whatever I come up with, and see if it works. If it doesn't, there's time to fix the opening later. Goal is to get through to the end, not to write the perfect story. I cannot remind myself of that enough times. It's like a concert- you have to keep going no matter what mistakes you make. And, if I have to actually start more in the middle, well, so be it.

Went and read some other versions of the myth. Interesting. Several of the thoughts I had fit in perfectly with the expanded versions.I think this will work. Now, if I can pull my head out of work and life long enough to get it done, I'll be very happy. I think it's do or die time for me. I need this to work, and to prove to myself I can actually do it rather than just talk about doing it. I'm good at dreaming, but I need to get to the doing.

I think I'm as prepared as I am going to be. Not that it matters at this point. I have the vague map of how to get from point A to point B. I know where point B is. I'm still not certain where point A is, but I have a rough idea and a plan if I get lost. I have one or two visualized scenes to keep me going if all else fails. I have 15 dedicated minutes a day to build from. And I have what I hope is the proper attitude toward what I am doing. That all will have to be enough...

Next on my list is a decent night's sleep so I can be effective at work and not bring anything home with me to do. That will, hopefully, keep the mind clear and on task rather than dragging it back to work all the time. I expect Tuesday will be a major distraction, but I'll try to work through it if I have to. The first few days I'll see how I do in the 15-30 minutes in the evening and see if I need to expand from there. If so, I may have to make it morning time, though I don't know if that will work or not.

I wonder if I'm nervous about this, or if I ate something that disagrees with me. I really feel unwell at the moment...

Ok, I think I will keep this a few minutes short tonight too, for the same reason. Sleep is something I want to get a lot of. I need more than just one extra hour in the day. And I'm only two minutes short. I think my habit will survive...

Tomorrow's entry will be of the progress report variety. Hopefully I'll be able to get my progress bar graphic patched into the template so you can see how I'm doing.

In which I think about time

Gah, I think someone has laced my life with sleeping pills. I am very grateful for the extra hour we get tonight. I hope I remember to get the clocks all turned back properly. What if you could actually turn back an hour, time-machine style. But you only get one. Which hour would you pick, or would you save it for later?

Ok, it's getting to be do or die time, isn't it? I'm still floundering for an opening since I abandoned the Athena idea. Maybe something will come to me in my dreams. Might be nice to have useful dreams. Someone once told me if they thought about things the right way before they fell asleep, they could get serial dreams that told a story. I could never get that to work for me.

My big problem at the moment with the beginning is how Calli and Justin get tangled up with Danny J and the Netherworld folks in the first place. I think I'm pretty clear on what happens after that, but it's the inital entanglement that is eluding me at the moment.

Finished Something Rotten. I definitely prefer the books that take place in the "real world" rather than the "book world" but I'm still not ready to move him out of borrow-from-the-library status to buy-as-soon-as-possible status. Sorry, but the last one (style="font-style:italic;">Well of Lost Plots) just really made me pause.

Ok, so I'm still burying myself in books this week. I think it's a "read 'em while you can" sort of thing. I can't imagine having a ton of time to read once NaNo starts! Below the Root is next--I think that's one folks ask for a lot on the lost book services, so I thought I'd try it.

Ok, that's 10 minutes, not 15, but I'm having the sleepy problem again, and it's worse than last night. I wonder if I'm getting sick. I'm going to go grab my extra hour while I have the chance.

In which I write with eyelids propped open

I am very, very tired. I am doing this because I didn't yesterday, and I cannot let two days go by without doing it, but boy it's tough today.

Been thinking about the story, though. I've got the end. Bits of the middle are starting to shape up. Haven't quite settled on the beginning. Guess I'd better do that soon, since I should probably start there. Though I'm totally tempted to write the end first...

Was playing with ideas, and analogies, and thinking about what incident will be "the snake"-- at least I think it was a snake? I need to look that up. I'm getting a firmer picture about Justin and Calli and what goes down between them in the story.

Actually had a little halloween fun today. Didn't think I'd want to, but got caught up in it a bit and enjoyed most of it. But boy am I tired, and tired of being tired, and tired of saying that.... Saw that some mayor in Scottland pardoned some executed witches. Didn't read the story, though. Just thought the idea was interesting. Wonder if any of them actually were witches.

I had some coffee earlier, so it's surprising how hard it is to stay awake. But I'm really struggling. My eyelids are getting heavy, I am getting sleepy....sleepy....

And I forgot to bring my "homework" home. I thought of it as I pondered how many dots to put in the ellipses above. I tend to overuse the four dots, but they frequently seem "right" to me.

Working my way through Something Rotten, which is a sight better than Well of Lost Plots. He seems to be sticking to mostly one plot this time, instead of a mass of separate ones. Or maybe I just care less because it's a library book and not a store-bought hardback. But I think, too, that the "real world" in that series is much more interesting than the literary conceit world she was stuck in for most (if not all) of the book. She's mostly out, so things like the Rocky Horror version of King John can rev up again.

I hate to keep saying this, but I do like most books. Really I do. I started a sentence here, but I can't remember now what I'm going to say. It's a bit like reading Conrad. I found in Conrad, by the time I'd seen the verb, pages had passed and I'd lost track of the subject....

Ok, enough for now. I'm losing the struggle...

In which I have an existential crisis?

Ok, so why is it getting harder to think about my story instead of easier? As the 1st approaches, I seem to drift further away from the idea. One last fling before committing, is that it? Or just fear it won't work out? The resistance to writing these entries is getting higher, too. The lure of a good book, the call of sleep, precious sleep, and other things all seem to be overwhelming me. My fingers pause more, my mind blanks more. It's like the big resistance before the big fight. Well, nothing to do about it except ignore it and forge ahead.

This may be a short entry, though, simply because I stop so much.

I'm trying to drag my mind back on my story, but all I seem to be able to think about is work, the upcoming election, and family. The story is just there. I know I'm working on it at some level. I have to remember the goal--words, not perfection. words not perfection. And I need to give myself a swift kick and get out of the self-pitying state I'm in. It's not good for me.

Part of it may be I'm just not feeling well. It's migraine weather. Was doing ok, though, until my eye-exam. Doc shone a bright light in my eyes "to see the back of my eyes" and that instantly triggered the headache. If I go to bed, the headache may go away by tomorrow. I can't really not show up at work tomorrow, so I'd prefer that the headache go away.

I hate entries where I stare at the clock all the time and count minutes. So I won't count the minutes here. Let's just say it hasn't been long enough. I hope I'm as good at blathering within the story as out of it, though it kills me to put down unneeded words...

I look at those people (person?) last year who claim to have done about a million or so, and wonder how... did they have a random word generator typing for them? I'm not sure I could type a million words in a month even if I went at it non-stop and did just type random words. I did notice, too, they didn't have their count verified... So that's not my goal. My goal is a workable draft with at least 50,000 words in it.
Quality can come later. Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock, and The Stephen Kings... and that snarky series taking over the YA bookshelf. Never give up, never surrender!

Enough of babble. Come! (Three points to anyone who can place that quote without using Google)

In which I rediscover an old habit

Well, my only excuse for missing yesterday is I got too into the book I was reading. (See my other blog for various discussions on my reading addiction.) I'm actually not yet done with the series, and I came darn close to just reading and not writing tonight. Luckily for me, the main character is trying to get into habits, and keeps wanting to not doing something difficult "just this once", and then decides if she gives in this time, she'll give in again, and she'll lose her edge. I figured that was a sign I should put the book down and type this.

I saw a book in the YA section yesterday that I thought about buying. I didn't think about buying it to read, but I thought about buying it and putting it near the computer to remind myself that Just About Any Garbage Can Be Published. Yeah, it looked that bad. I didn't get past the back cover without some major cringing happening. I expect I was majorly prejudiced by the picture on the front and the subject matter, but I'm sorry, it struck me as a totally trashy series.

And then I go past all the Dark Tower books, and the books about the Dark Tower books, and I am just so inspired to write. IF THEY CAN DO IT, SO CAN I!! I cannot let perfectionism get in my way. I too can pour forth words if I just turn off the little inner voices. I can do this! So can you!

Speaking of little inner voices, would you actually believe a person if they said God had spoken to them? Assume it's someone you know fairly well, not just some random person off the street. What would you think? I figure if it ever happened to me, and I bothered to tell people, everyone (and probably myself included) would assume I was insane. Which leads me to wonder, what's a poor God to do??? If you were a deity, how would you contact people today?

I think after I get through this pile of books, which inlcudes Something Rotten, by the way, I will have to stay away from the library until NaNo is OVER. So I'd better read fast! I'm reading Tamora Pierce at the moment, having polished off every Diana Wynne Jones the library has to offer. I think, though, I should re-read The Ear, The Eye, and the Arm.... I'll try that if I have time. That might be a good role-model for me.

Ok, well, my book is calling, and I've almost met my minutes. I hope that I will be able to resist the call later on this evening and get a decent night's sleep, but, well, I doubt it. With a little pushing, I could probably finish this last book tonight....

In which I try to develop a habit

One more week before NaNo starts. Whew. I hope I've gotten this writing thing down as a habit by then. I'm told it takes 21 days for something to become a habit. I think for some people, however, it takes longer for the changes to get hard-wired. I expect I'm one of those people. So I don't know if this is a habit yet or not. I suspect not quite yet, because I still think about how to get out of doing it. You don't think about that sort of thing when it's a habit, you just do it without thinking much about it at all. So I have to keep making myself do it until I don't have to make myself do it any more. I wonder if there are some things that never become a habit. I hope, though, I get the writing habit. I think it's the only way I'll ever get anywhere with it all.

Haven't been doing the morning things, though, so they won't be a habit (yet). Mornings are just too complicated as it is. Maybe if I can get the other morning habits going, then the writing one can follow, but it's not entirely up to me. I will try harder for NaNo, though, since I don't think evening will be enough to get the job done.

But hey, if I do more than 5,000 words, I'll have beaten my score from last year!

So as I get closer to the writing, I find myself wanting to read more. Was looking for Pratchett's Hat Full of Sky in Borders today, as it's bound to be out in paperback by now. Didn't find it, although the computer claimed it was there. But there are other places to look, so I'll probably pick it up sometime soon.

Satire is one of those things I think I write well. Problem is finding something sustained to satire. After NaNo, I think I'll try to resurrect my fairy tale, and polish that off. I think I should maybe work on finishing stuff up that I want to finish. This will mean getting my defunct laptop into a place that will get the data off the hard drive for me. Shouldn't be too hard- the laptop is only defunct because the thing that connects the plug to the battery broke so you can't recharge the battery. Maybe it would be even easier than I think to get a hold of the data....

Well, let's see, what else can I talk about? Today was not a story-building day, at least not consciously. A lot of storybuilding goes on behind the scenes in my backbrain, but none of it surfaced to share today. In some sense, I'm saving it for the real deal. If I share too much too early, I tend to stall out on the idea. I don't know if I'm more inclined to think things are "stupid" when someone else has seen them, or if any kind of comment makes me second guess it, or both, or both and some other stuff too, or just some other stuff. But since a lot of me wants to share to see what folks think, I get conflicting emotions about early stage sharing. On the one hand, I want people to encourage me to keep going, and on the other hand, I don't want to know if it isn't perfect, and on the other other hand (and yes, I know it is strictly illegal grammar to have more than two hands) I kind of want someone to discourage me so I won't have to finish the thing after all. Because part of me is just as afraid of it being really good as it is afraid of it being really bad. Fear of finishing- if it's done, someone will judge it, and either way, I won't like that. My advice to me? Get over it already! Just get the thing out there, and THEN worry about the critics... But if I share too soon, the critics, especially the little inner one, will have undue influence and will kill it before it has a chance at all to be something more than vague ideas.

In which I take a walk on the grammar side

Not much work on the story today. Finsihed up my 3 day intenstive class and am pretty brain dead. Did some puzzles on the way home. Puzzles keep the braina ctive, but really, they seem to be like reading--a way to keep the noisy part of the brain occupied while the rest of the brain gets some rest. Not quite as addictive a drug as reading, though, since you need to push a pencil around and retain just enough consciousness to form letters or numbers.

Did look up some names, and am rethinking the name of the bad guy, Danny J. Seems the first source I looked at confused two people. I may still call him Danny J., though, as a nickname. Also looked up some other stuff, but nothing much came of it.

But I'm still working my way backward somewhere in the back of my head to the beginning, fleshing out how I want to represent the storyline. I think I'll have enough to go on this time. Last year I had a wonderful setup, but nowhere to take it. Three characters in search of a plot...

I'm finding I'm typing more slowly today than usual. I'm thinking more between letters. My fingers feel a little sore, too, which may be why I'm not flying. Most of me feels a little (or a lot) sore from all the walking and carrying heavy books I've done the past few days. I may say more on that in a few days, or I may not.

Yes, I'm a tease.

I'm also rapidly running out of ideas. I wish I were more comfortable saying things I kind of want to say, but for one thing they aren't about writing, and for another, I hate the idea of saying things I might truly regret saying later. Whining's like that. It feels better when I do it, but I wouldn't want a record of it. That would make me feel petty. Which is why I do try to clamp down on it somewhat. Not that I go back and read any of my entries, but you never know who will stumble across stuff you leave lying around the internet. Ok, now I feel I should go look up lie/lay and make sure I did that one right. That's not one I paid all that much attention to. Unlike, say, the incorrect idea that "I" must always follow the "and" in phrases like "between you and I" and "She told him and I" and the like. That one I know. If you wouldn't say "She told I" then you shouldn't say "She told him and I" and it's also "between you and ME" (You wouldn't say "between we" instead of "between us" now would you?) Sorry, I kept hearing that one in the talk around me today. At least when people are speaking, I don't have to worry about the use of its versus it's....

Which is what I get for having my head buried in grammar most of the week.

I which I find my ending changes my beginning

Well, as I mentioned to my loyal reader, I fell asleep and didn't make yesterday's entry. Not that I had all that much to say, mind you, and the sleep probably did me some good. But I did think a lot about the story today, and I have a climax for it now... In fact, I think I have an ending I'm pretty happy with. But it got much darker than I had originally intended. I'd rather intended for this to be like an adventure. I'd really intended it be an adventure instigated by Athena in the guise of a teacher, rather like a Magic Tree House or Chasing Vermeer sort of thing. But the ending doesn't really go with that idea. But the ending feels right. So now I'm rethinking the beginning. Maybe this'll be a darker piece than I orginally intended. It certainly is going that way now. And maybe I need to shelve the Athena idea, and make it more... something-or-other... I guess, not so god-guided as I had intended. I've been working on the Hades figure, and the all-wise, goddess-like Athena figure isn't really parallel to what I have for that. So if there are other gods or goddesses, they have to be more reality-based, as it were. More like mortals with the foibles of gods rather than gods with the foibles of mortals. That sort of thing.

See, with the Athena idea, I had planned to whip off a quick adventure, and leave lots of room open for other adventures in the series that would support me in my old age ;). Athena would move from school to school and inspire a myth-like adventure for a few of the kids. A nice, open-ended sort of thing that could go on for books and books. The thing it's evolving into, however, doesn't at first glance have much sequel potential. But I think it's a better story. The end I envisioned this morning just seemed so right that it's worth rethinking the opening concept. I had a hard time figuring out what to do with Athena figure anyway, and getting from my envisioned opening to the story was going to be a problem. I think the characters will have to fall into the main action by their own actions, and if they are guided into them, it will be in a much more subtle way.

The story will have more meat to it this way. I need to look up a few topics that seemed like a good idea to work into the thing, but I think I'm starting to feel my way toward a workable story.

And if it doesn't work, well, there's always the series plan to fall back on.

In which I ponder possibilities

I wasn't going to do this today. I was this close to not doing this. I'm tired, I feel really sick to my tummy, and I have to be up early for this class thing. But then I thought, you know, that's exactly when I have to write- when I don't really wan't to. If I can write when I don't want to, I'll be able to write when I do want to as well. And then the books will get written, the money will roll in, and I'll get the standard rich-and-famous contract just like Kermit the Frog in The Muppet Movie. Well, ok, at least the books will be written. The rest is my daydream, since I need to have those, especially the part where the money rolls in....

I may have said this before, but I want to say it again now. I was talking to a friend who said that there were many times he thought he'd write something, but then thought "Who would want to read that?" and then saw someone selling a ton of books based on a very similar idea. And I think the key is to write what speaks to you. Don't worry so much about who wants to read it when you start- you can worry about that when it's done and you are revising. I'm thinking of stuff like the YaYa Sisterhood book, which was presumably written in a week or something like that. I haven't read it--it doesn't speak to me--but it obviously did speak to a lot of people or it wouldn't have been so popular. So no matter how dumb you think an idea is, it's worth getting it down. Because you never know--once it is down, it can go somewhere. If it never makes it out of your head, you guarantee nobody will read it. And even if you think it's dumb, maybe others won't. And even if they do, what have you really lost? You don't write, you don't have a popular book. Your book bombs, you don't have a popular book. The first is a guarantee. The second, a possibility.

I am trying to figure out if this particular blog qualifies for the NaNoBlogMo blog list. I do not intend to put the book here, though I'll put snippets, and word counts, and bright or not so bright ideas that aren't part of the running text, I expect. And I am thinking I should post "sentence of the day" or something like that. Just to mark the progress and evolution of the beast. I know a couple of my faithful readers are doing NaNo- are you folks planning to join the Blogspot NaNoWriters? I have mixed feelings and probably won't, but maybe if everyone else does, I'll reconsider.

Haven't made much substantial progress today on the thinking. I'll have train time tomorrow and this weekend, though. I make a lot of progress on the train. There's something magical about trains and the things that all that passing scenery does to your mind. The rythym against the tracks, I think, lulls you into that highly creative alpha-state. Or to sleep...

Ok, that's enough. I'm a minute short, but hey, I showed up. Ninety-nine percent of success is just showing up, I hear.

In which I don't manage to fix a hole where the rain comes in

I thought I had something interesting to say about writing, but I've long since forgotten what it is. Been doing my homework for a professional development course, and lots of the things I was thinking about before I started that leaked out of my mind. Things do that more than occasionally. Read some Tamora Pierce today as a break from the homework. This one was a bit heavy-handed. Will probably get the rest of the series out, though. Again, it's this feeling that if I can only get something down, it will be worth sending out. I just need to stay away from the negative critic in the head.

Wish I could blog about some stuff at work. But I can't, so 'nuff said there. I'm mostly just putting this in as a "get it off my mind" kind of checklist.

Well, I'm chipping away at the storyline/treatment. Slowly. Nowhere near fast enough. But I've got enough to start with, anyway.

Hypothetical question of the day: So, if you were an ancient greek god living in the modern world, where would you live and what would you do? I rather decided that Zeus/Jupiter became Bill Clinton. Think about it.... And can't you see Hera/Juno as Hillary?? Eros/Cupid and his mom Aphrodite/Venus run a singles bar in Georgetown, complete with dartboard and some very fancy drinks. Athena/Minerva would be a substitute teacher, moving from school to school spreading wisdom. Not sure what Posiedon/Neptune would do. I don't really see him as getting a job as a dolphin trainer at SeaWorld, but you never know...

Blankity blank blank. That's my mind. Bl....a....nk....i...ty Bl....a....n....k. That's my mind on too much work and too little sleep.

But we perservere. Or persever. Or purse sever. Or something. Made some noodles last night. The instructions told me to "put the soup packet into a pun and stir." Couldn't think of a good pun just then. Then later, I realized the problem. My puns tend to be rather kooky, and too many kooks spoil the soup. Yes, ok, it's lame. But no one has declared lame puns unconstitutional. Yet. I'm sure they will get around to it eventually.

And yes, I mostly told that just to pass time and keep the clickity clack of the keys going. But hey, if they can write a book called click clack quack.... You never know what clickity clack might lead to!

So, if you could be a ghost, who would you be the ghost of? If you could write questions for college essays, how much would they pay you?

It's amazing how little one can say in a lot of space if one tries hard enough....
Ok, so, is there anything writing related I can drag my thoughts back to? I wish I could remember the brilliant thought I had earlier. I really do.

In which several plots are revealed

Here we go round the mullberry bush early monday morning...

So, what is to become of my heroine? Shall I leave her in the depths of the seedy underworld, or allow her to see the light of day occasionally? I guess, since she's technically a minor, she still has to go to school, but surely she'll be stuck in the underworld part of the time... I'm envisioning the scene that seals her fate. I hope I remember it when it comes time to write it!

As for the hero, will he have a broken heart? I expect that's his fate... Though of course we'll hold out hope for him. It would never do to take away the hope that he'll win in the end, would it?

I think of books I wish ended differently. If they are the right sort of books, they'll end with just enough ambiguity that you can hope the ending you wanted came about after all, no matter how bad the odds.

I still haven't read Messenger, by Lois Lowry, but I'm told it clears up any ambiguity left from the end of The Giver. Well, you couldn't get more ambiguous than the end of that book, I don't think. At least, I sure had no idea what the author had in mind. I didn't expect what apparently came about, because it seemed things would have to go the other way.

One day, I'd like to write a book that makes people feel the way I felt reading The Giver. I almost tried to do it for this NaNo, but it's too hard. It isn't something I could do the spit out thing with. It's a roll it around in your head forever kind of book.

I am always looking for ways of reaching alternate worlds. Last year for NaNo, I tried to write my train story. When I rode the train, the reflections of the reflections would make buildings rush into each other and disappear. The reflected world was almost as real looking as the real world through those windows. What if a character stepped out into the reflection? Well, I still don't know- it didn't work out right! I have most of my ideas for universe hopping in trains or train stations. There was an area at a station I was waiting at that looked more real than everything else around it. Obviously if you looked at it the right way, you could get into another universe, perhaps the real one that this is a pale imitation of. Was thinking of using that idea for the totalitarian society book, which I may still if I ever write it.

I think about the way things could go. That's the trick of the sf writer- take something to its logical and scientific extreme. Does anyone doubt that within two generations, everyone will be tagged with something that is inserted under the skin and can locate them instantly? You do? Then check up on what is already happening with RFID chips. What would a society like that be like? Well, David Brin takes a crack at it in Sundiver, where the people who carry the "violent" gene have to be marked with transmitters. I could see things getting worse than in 1984 if we aren't careful. We give up a lot in the name of safety. In the book I started for the 3-day novel contest (and boy was I unprepared for THAT!) the tag was made common by a rash of child kidnappings that spurred so much fear parents got all their kids tagged. Nominally the tags were voluntary, but interesting things were going to happen to the protagonist when, as an experiment, she chooses to get hers removed again...

I may combine that with the more-real-than-real area once I have an idea where it is really going.

And then there's my god-world, as I call it. That I have to wait for it to tell me what to write. That's one that, at the right times, tries to write itself... Those happen occasionally.

In which phones ring suddenly

Ok, time to start for tonight. If the laundry is finsihed by the time I'm done, then I can get to bed at a reasonable hour. I really need to get back on a sleep schedule that actually includes sleep.

I think I'm getting a sense of what the underworld will be like. Rather like an abandoned subway station, used by the homeless, the faceless, the people in limbo. They could jokingly refer to the train tracks as the river Styx or the Lethe.... make it like the L and give it an infamous third rail, so you need a ferryman of sorts? That might work. How to do the "coins on the eyes" bit... hmmm... just a panhandler asking for change? I'm trying to get into the gritty, dirty feel of the place. Do we have the Tantalus and Sysyphus characters, with the repetitive impossible tasks? If so, what would they be?

And how do my little priveledged kids make out in this gritty underworld??

I am bone tired, even with naps. Just need to say that. I sleep for a couple of hours during the afternoon, but the sleep never seems to be enough or long enough. The phone always rings. Ever notice that? Just as you are getting into the deep stuff in your dreams, the phone rings. And you get that almost shock-like chill as you are jerked out of a very sound sleep. Takes some getting over, that shock, and the world pulsates for a while until you do.

I wonder if I'm actually getting sick. Bad indigestion is my biggest probelm at the moment, but I have that sort of pre-fever feel which could go either way still.

Finished Going Postal. I enjoyed it. I am still trying to figure out exactly what it's a take on, other than generic American corporate culture. I thought maybe Microsoft, but then I wasn't so sure. Maybe there'll be something on the l-space site eventually.

There was a dust mote about the size of a period right next to where the period above was a few minutes ago. Looked funny, gave the period a weired doubled look. The period has moved and the mote is gone now. Interesting, here's the phone. I write about the phone, and the phone rings. Magic, right? Well, ok, it would've been more magic if it rang about five minutes ago, but sometimes you have to see your magic where you can get it....

Ok, off to read some Diana Wynne Jones now.

In which I lay some plans

Well, I have had a little more sleep, so I may be a little more coherent, or maybe I won't be. But, as the song goes, I'm still here. Almost through the week. I'll be able to pay more attention to the NaNo stuff after tomorrow, I think. Finding that most of the books I got weren't what I was looking for. Don't know why I even bothered looking, I knew what I was going to do.

I'm also distracted by the receipt of Pratchett's Going Postal. Good stuff. Haven't gotten as far as I like into it yet, but it's been a busy day, and I only got it yesterday. I've been thinking a lot about the write your own adventure thing I want to do. I've always hated that choose-your-owns never had the choices I would actually take. With the web and hypertext, though, one can have a system where people propose new choices and consequences to add. I think the wiki format would be ideal for this. I want to set one up, do some basic stuff with it, and set it loose to the kids it's intended for and see how it evolves. I need to see if there's a way I can view stuff before it gets put up, though. Just in case people get, er, out of hand with it. But kids will be able to add their own choices, and write up what they think happens. As I have time, I'll edit the added bits to be more in with the style of the rest of the story, I think, but I intend for it to be largely self-written. I've downloaded some wiki software already, though I haven't put it up on the site yet.

But this will all probably occur after NaNo. Ok, so, what am I doing with that? Well, I went and read a friend's treatment, and boy, does it sound good. So I have to fight the "gee, my story sounds dumb" bug again. Of course, I haven't spelled out the details here. Part of that is because I don't want anyone actually saying "Gee, that story sounds dumb" where I can read it! They'll have plenty of time to do that once I've finished it. Then I won't mind so much. People do it too soon, and that'll kill the thing in its tracks.

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to post bits of it anywhere (password protected, natch) or not. I dunno. I will try to get the progress meter to show up here. If not, I'll put in the other NaNo progress meter. So you'll know where I am with the word count. It would be nice to use the NaNo bar rather than the other gauge for two reasons- I can update once, and the gauge is a larger graphic than I'd like for this page.

I don't know how much I'll write here during November. I was thinking of checking with a daily word count and some favorite sentences or something. Teasers. What do you think? I don't think I want to spend precious word count time doing ramblings here... But I may find I do, since I may want to core dump during the process. I dunno. I'll have to see. But I am hoping my sprinting now will pay off later. I am bound and determined to write, even if it's crap, even if I don't want to. I've been pretty good. I've had many nights I came close to crying off. Still kind of having that. I missed a few, but not more than twice in a row, and not too often. I'm pleased. I don't need to do it perfectly, I just need to do it.

In which I enter a trance-like state

Well, I actually did fall asleep at the keyboard last night, and didn't get anything written at all. It's been that kind of week. Been up late working most nights, up early working most mornings, and I just gave out. Slept some last night, will sleep some tonight, but I did want to get the 15 minutes in tonight because I really didn't want to miss three days in a row.

Other than just being brain dead from churning out a ton of junk for work, I'm just tired. Heh. Understatement of the day. So forgive me if I whine a bit more about how tired I am. I actually have to stay up another 20 minutes or so anyway so I can move laundry from washer to dryer. Then try to get me up any time soon. So I'm using that dead time to do this and get it over with.

Wish I had something more exciting to write about. Things have been percolating in the back brain for the NaNo book, but nothing's made it up to my forebrain, which would probably not recognize it anyway.

Was told to write to market today. If you want to be a commericial writer, I guess you have to. But once again, I'm working on the simpler step of just writing to finish something. Can't pitch it if it isn't finished!

Ok, so my brain is finshed. I admit that. So this should be good, because the one time my inner critic really does shut up is when I'm wiped like this. I could put down the worst kind of crap and totally not care. Unfortunately, it is in fact more likely to be the worst kind of crap. The kind you look at after you've had some sleep and think "What the hell was I thinking of when I wrote that??"

It's kind of like sleep deprivation helping out the depression. On the one hand, the chemicals your body pumps out helps the depression. On the other hand, you're too sleep-deprived to care, and the sleep deprivation in the long term doesn't help much.

I hate when I think I have to count the minutes as I go along. So here, I'll describe what's going through my brain right now. Nothing much. Things are pulsing a little because I'm kind of staring vacantly at a mostly white screen. The words are doing the aura thing and pulsing. This effect seems to happen when I stare at anything too long. I can feel my contact lenses kind of floating off my eyes as they start unfocusing slightly. There is a crick in my neck and my shoulder muscles are tense. I am getting sleepy... sleepy.... The place where my legs are crossed pulses too, calling my attention to the contact. My fingers mostly fly of their own accord now, but the pressure from the keys gives me that pulsing thing too if I keep them resting on the keys too long. My elbow shouldn't be resting on the sharp edge of the table- it's probably bad for my arm. I shouldn't have my shoulders clenched like that, so I shift a little. And then I start paying attention to what I'm typing, and force myself not to stall out, but to back into that semi-trance mode and just let the typing take care of itself. My eye starts to sting, probably because of the odd focus and the fact I'm not blinking much. It's feeling dry. I close it and rub it lightly. The book at the edge of the desk starts calling to me. If I stop typing, I can pick it up and read it. Or I can go downstairs and read the new one. I'd really like to be lying flat, relaxing my shoulders, and reading my new book. It's now been fifteen minutes, so I guess I could if only the laundry has finished washing and I can put it in the dryer. If that's done, I can go read until I fall asleep. And that would be bliss.

In which I fall asleep at the keyboard

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You get the idea. I think I'll give myself a break tonight, thank you very much. It's been a trying day. I did make part of my deadline, but I cannot bring myself to stay up until four making the next part. Nor can I bring myself to stay up another 15 minutes making this. At least there is something here, and that is better than nothing and it will have to do. Good night, all!

In which I wish I had drunk less coffee

Well, ok, I probably shouldn't be writing this, but I don't want to break my streak. I'm sitting here listening to the whiz of passing deadlines... Well, ok, I can still make it, but it's going to cost some precious sleep time. So I'm hyped on the coffee. And none of it is for NaNo... But I will say, blathering here has in fact started to help me get over the "Dear lord, how can I write 14 pages of stuff when I have no idea what to say" bit. I've been blathering along just fine. Next, of course, comes the "Does this pass muster" test, which I'm not sure it will, but at least it'll be in. There may even be a chance for someone to look it over....

Perhaps I overuse elipses, but hey, this is my blog, and I can overuse elipses if I want to. Yes, I get defiant when I'm hyped on coffee. I probably overuse commas too. Commas and I never really understood each other. I stick them in when I pause in my thoughts, under the assumption that that's where they go. I find when I'm copyedited that I tend to overuse them.

Five minutes down, ten to go. It's going to be a count the minutes blog night, since I have to get back to the other work.

Story progress: almost settled on a name for my bad guy, but it's kind of close to a friend's name. Sheer accident, I think. I'm not sure if I'll use it or find another. It was based on a secondary meaning, rather than the primary meaning, through several mutations, so I may try to get something that conveys the primary meaning more. Or I may stick with this. Or I may do something different. Some cool names floating around out there, though.

I probably need to do some structure work, too, but I think that won't happen until the end of the week. Draw up my parallels, do some world development, that sort of thing. It's more or less in this world, but has enough mythical elements that I want to work out more about the culture under the subway. The shadow realm, the country of the unseen. I may even be able to work my invisible woman in there. Hmm.... Stick to the point for the moment, though. The cleaner the mythos, the better off things will work. I've noticed I tend to get people muddled and confused when I try to tie together too many competing mythoses. Ok, you word purists who stumble across this- what is the plural of mythos?

Ten minutes down, five to go. Past bedtime, but then, there's another three pages waiting for me to finish them. And I'm slowing down here, too. My mind is wandering off, probably chasing that cup of coffee I put down somewhere. Marathon it tonight, and I can sleep tomorrow...

I want to join the independently wealthy, so that not working is an option. So who doesn't? I'd need to have some sort of work, though, but I'd like it to be writing. I've been envying the time others have during the day. I need to practice routines, though, to take full advantage of it. Maybe someday I'll think the concept is workable...

Well, that's fifteen. I'm off to finish the other task now.

In which I encounter a wall at head-level

One day more...

I've actually been writing all day. Or trying to. For work, though, not on anything for myself. I'm so stuck. My problem is trying to find the thread that weaves the text together. Even non-fictional fact-conveying stuff needs some sort of vague story or coherent thread... I'm sunk when I can't come up with any decent examples to weave the thing together. But I've got to go back and bang my head against it some more before I hit the sack. Love deadlines, ayep...

Anyway, I'm trying to get into spew mode for that, too. Just get the stuff down and thread it together later. It is so hard for me to work that way, though. Practice, practice, practice.

Took a break to check out Halloween decorations around the neighborhood. Needed the fresh air bigtime, since I'd been more or less cooped up in the house all day bashing my head against the computer. Anyway, some people have some interesting things up. I wonder if we'll get our stuff up any time soon. And I might take a mental break to come up with clever headstone sayings. There's a lot I want to do with UV sensitive paint, too.

So anyway, it's been a frustrating day. Too much work, and I need the downtime to let the thoughts ferment, but this seems to be one of those assingments that just won't work no matter what I do. Oh well, I'll have to manage somehow, or turn in the junk. I hate that, the perfectionist in me is screaming at the thought.

I really want to stop writing and go do some programming now. Just for something different. But it's plug plug plug and chug chug chug. If I don't try, I won't know if I can do it or not. I have to think it's possible.

I still can't seem to manage mornings. But you know, I was thinking- maybe I'll spend mornings on outlines and character development. That would get me working for that time, but maybe be less, ah, intimidating than a second post of garbage here. And I need to get started on that.

I don't think I'll outline-outline, but I want to jot down how to doctor the plot, and other ideas I have as I drive or go along. Maybe I should get a tape recorder to get the ideas down during the times I'm not near a computer.

I've still got some names to pick out, and I have to devlop my concept a little better. Not for the plot, but for how the mechanics of some of the situations works. The gods, in other words. What are they all doing, and can I use this for the springboard of that other story I started ever so long ago.

I should get our dead laptop in to be fixed or at least get my writing off of it. I think that's why my other story went backwards- I'd been working it on the laptop... I know I typed more than what was there.

In which I talk about writing for a change

The more I read, the more I think that this writing just whatever is a good idea. Is it just me, or are more and more books being published that could use some decent editing? I've just finished a book which had a fine story, but the writing really left me cold. This is a YA book, ALA Notable and all. The story line was well thought out, but I just wanted to take a red pen to it and turn it into what it could have been just by cleaning up the approach. I feel that way a lot now when I read. It's like just getting it out is the only thing- quality is secondary.

But then, that's what NaNo is all about, isn't it? But I certainly intend, once my story is down, to take the time to craft it into a more polished thing. It won't be the way I usually do things- I usually hash out the story fairly thoroughly in my head first, so that by the time I put it down, it's more like a 3rd or 4th draft. This writing what comes to mind as it comes thing is new. I'm very ambivalent about it: on the one hand, it gets the thing done, and if it's not done, there's nothing you can do with it, no matter how good it is. On the other hand, there is definitely more work to do on it in the subsequent go-rounds.

I read a quote from Anne Rice about how, once it's down, it's perfet. Well, I hardly think that, but I do think that my initial drafts have, up to now, been close to what I wanted in the end. I don't know how I'll feel about the stuff I spew out for NaNo. I do know I'm pretty uncomfortable about the stuff I'm spewing here. But I persevere.

The problem with the "write it in your head first" plan is that my head doesn't hold all that much any more, so it really only seems to work for short stories. But I can't seem to get out of that writing mode. Hence my attempts to do NaNo this year and last. Also, hence my attempts at this blog. I really can't chew over an entire novel. I've tried. Many times. I have countless starts to novels on the computer.

I'm better at the setup/concept than the storyline. At least, I view myself that way. Which is why I am, in grand writing tradition, stealing the storyline. A pre-fab to hang my cool setup/concept on. And maybe then I won't struggle so much.

I've also noticed that I spend a lot of time hunting for the perfect idea. For instance, in my hunt for the myth I'm stealing, I read several versions of it. I keep wanting one of them to have a phrase, or concept, or something, that is the defining moment of the story. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for half the time, but I keep thinking it'll be there if only I look hard enough. Well, it's never there, and it's a great time waster and keeps me from getting down to the task of creating my own defining concept/moment/whatever it is I want. Was doing that while reading Bullfinch's Mytholgy. I kept wondering if perhaps another book would be better. It wouldn't, I know, becaue it never is. Gah. So I need to fight that tendency too.

By the way, I am going to try for morning again, but it's so difficult when I can't get up.... I'm just so tired all the time. It takes so much to drag myself to do this each evening, too, that getting that morning time seems insurmountable. But, as with this, I'll keep making the attempt. Once I break the barrier, and do this twice a day, I should be in good shape. I've got a couple of weeks yet before I have to do it in earnest.

In which I struggle to make it over the habit hump

Ok, here I am again. Pushing through the... pain? I guess it's like exercise, where you have to keep doing it even when you want to stop and then after a while you get into the groove. At least I hope so, 'cause I'm not in the groove yet. I'm still very resistant and uneasy about this. Still think it's all junk. Glad to know someone's enjoying it anyway. I still have mixed feelings about knowing people are reading this (hi people!) because on the one hand, I'm writing to an audience anyway, so it's nice to actually have one, but on the other, well, they're reading this...

I'm going to segue breifly because I have to get this out of my mind. Watching the debate tonight felt like I was watching Kirk and Odo have at each other. Ok, I really needed to pass that image on, in the "Punch with care" style. Thank you for being there to receive it. That'll be my only political comment for the night.

How do I write this? Let me count the ways.... I write this with my inner critic yelling at me... I write this with half my brain engaged for fear the other half will stop me if I let it... and there's more on that theme, but with only half my brain engaged, I can't come up with it.

Don't stop, don't stop... If I stop, I start to think about it. I'm trying to write straight from my subconscious (or mid-conscious?) brain to the page. If I stop, my active brain gets active, and I start to really question what I'm doing. Who the hell do I think I am, writing this crap out in public, that sort of thing.

Oh, I counted my words for the past few posts. Looks like I can do about 600-700 words in these 15 minute stints. So if I go to half an hour, that's 1200-1400 words / day. Just slightly under the necessary amount for NaNo... If I do two half hours a day like I plan, well, I should have no problem. As long as I just keep typing that is. If I stop, well... I just won't stop, that's all! If only it were that easy, but then, maybe it is only that easy. We'll see. So I may try next week to up this to twice a day. Can you stand it?? But if I can do that, then I just need to up the time for next month.

No plot or character development to report, unfortunately. It's on back-burner to simmer, though. I don't expect any major breakthroughs until after next week, when I've managed to catch those deadlines whizzing by me. I don't see being able to do much other than the blog before that's all in where it belongs. But I think I need to finish up a list of characters. Should I keep track of them here? Or offline? Help me decide! Anyway, I'll probably end up talking about the major folk out here at some point when I have time to do more than just survive.... That's the toughie for me at the moment.

One problem with the before bed idea is when I go late, like tonight, I have to fight to prevent this from not only being hard to understand, but hard for me to read! My eyes go all blurry, and I stare at the page for a long time....

In which I have some cheese with my whine

Ah, let's see what a glass of whine (hic? sic?) can do to my inactive brain cells. Or if I will once again meander all over the map searching for something profound to type. Probably I'll meadner all over the map searching for something profound. It's been that kind of week. I'm really struggling here, and this is where I test the courage of my convictions. I'm really fighting the urge to go hide from this, and not do it. It feels pretty darned silly and stupid. And I know that's what I'm trying to fight, that feeling that it's just too dumb to be put down, but, well, I still have it, and it is a fight. When I'd much rather flight, too. So I sit here and talk about how inadequate I feel, and blather on about the stupid inconsequential stuff.

So I guess the wine didn't really help the brain cells much. I think the exhaustion is taking over. I'm crying at the least thing at the moment. Which I guess is part of what makes this harder than usual.The various muscle pains don't help any either. My skin in amazingly thin right now, my nerves feel raw, and I just want to curl up in bed, have a good cry, and sleep until next week. At least I have a long weekend. Work at home tomorrow then Monday off. It gets hard to get out of bed this time of year, and I need to watch it or I'll slip into a depression again. And yes, folks, I have been taking my vitamins, so this is coming from the exhaustion, I expect.

Sleep is a fleeting thing. And now I want to quote Hamlet. To sleep, perchance to dream. I haven't been remembering much about my dreams lately, but that's probably just as well. I think I'd really rather not know what my subconscious mind gets up to in the middle of the night. Hopefully it's working on my story, and fleshing out the plot a bit, and figuring out the characters. Lord knows part of my brain better be working on that or I'm in serious trouble.

Current NaNo plan: write half an hour twice a day. May have to be lunch, but frankly wouldn't mind finding an excuse to skip eating out. I do that too much. Too much food, too much money, and its starting to be too much time. I'm also feeling antisocial and a little too out of sorts to play peacemaker properly. But if I can't write during lunch, I will try to do a stint in the morning and in the evening. If I can really stick to half an hour each day, I think I'll be able to make it. Ok, so I'm only doing 15 minutes now, but hey, it's a start, and as I say, I'm more consistent than I thought I would be.

And now, honestly, I find my mind a little out of sorts (ok, more than usually out of sorts) if I don't do this blog writing before bed. So I think that's a good sign that habits are starting to form. And really that's what I want. To be in the habit of writing regularly.

I have a lot of writing to do for work, that was due tomorrow. Got a third of it in, but I have a ton of stuff to "make up" this weekend. Who was it that said, "I like the sound of deadlines. I particularly like the sound they make as they go whizzing by me" ?

Speaking of deadlines, my lines are dead, and I'm ready to call it a day. I'm just stretching things out in the grand tradition, that's all.

In which I pretend I don't mind being a blade of grass

Well, it was touch and go tonight whether I'd find the will to write. I'm not feeling at all creative. But I have to remind myself over and over as often as necessary that it's not about being creative. Not yet, anyway. It's about habits of mind. And so I'm pouring out more stuff because it's time to pour out more stuff.

I'm reminded of a quote which was something along the lines of a forest needing grass blades to carpet it just as much as it needs the big tall trees. At the time I first read it, it comforted me, because I was a grass blade wishing I were a tree. Now I'm thinking of it in terms of writing: you need the carpet of non-brilliant words grass so that your brilliant word trees are properly supported. Or something like that.

Ok, so I need to stop asking myself what deep philosophical gems I can drop in this blog, I need to stop feeling pressured to make every word perform. I don't want to fall into the perfection trap now, not when I'm about to do something for which perfection would be fatal. After all, there are two kinds of books: perfect books, and finished books. Perfection is an evil and must be eradicated. I need to be able to spout, and not care about how brilliant or stupid I sound. But, of course, I do care. I don't like presenting less than my best. So I have to work up to it. I'm starting to tell a few more people where this is (hi people!) because, well, it's easier to be imperfect in private. I'm trying to be imperfect in public. That's a lot harder.But hey, I'm learning I can blather like anyone else. I may or may not be interesting to read, but I'm at least putting down something to read.

Total stream of consciousness here. I guess I'm worrying more about my secret audience because I'm actually writing with someone else in the room. They aren't reading what I'm writing, but I'm overly aware that they are here, and in the room. I'm also aware of the pain in my wrist. i just mention that because it's there and in my way.

I am so trying to keep my concentration during the day. I keep thinking about family, my story, my schedule, my company, just about anything other than what I'm supposed to do. Good thing the ideas ferment in the meantime, and when I do focus, everything gets done pretty quickly. It all averages out in the end, but I worry occaionally about how much lead time in random thought I seem to need before I can work on something. I'm hoping it won't be this way with NaNo, because I can't afford that if I'm going to make my goal.

I will, by the way, put up a meter here once things start so that folks can track my progress. Just a visual indicator of where I am in the story. I think I'd rather have the NaNo bar if I can get the code, but we'll see...

Ok, more short paragraphs tonight. I think I try too hard to think of things to say, and push the return key to give me time. I can come up with all sorts of delay tricks if I want! I can type up about how I'm delaying, I can type about how purple cows have yellow horns, whatever. Yes, I am in fact running out of things to say. I usually do.

So let's talk about the story. Urban, of sorts. Not sure how real to make the setting. Definite unreal mythical element to it. Still thinking Jr High kids, though it may be better to make them high school, I'm not sure that works with the starting premise. Hmmm.... Will they care about substitutes in high school?? Come to think of it, will they care about them in Jr High? I think so, if it's the right sub... Latin teacher, maybe? Then I could make it a small homage to my old latin teacher, who was a wonderful influence in my life. And it would be quirky. Ok, high school it is. It feels more right with the characters, anyway. Though I really don't have much idea of how HS kids behave these days, but I'm expecting that kids are kids, and if I draw on a lot of my own HS angst, I should do pretty well. Lord knows I have enough HS angst to draw from!!

In which I take the local train of thought and have many stops

Well, unfortunately most of what I'd want to say here, I probably can't. So here's something interesting: went to look up my other name. Calli stands for Calliope, which is "beautiful voice", but she's switched with Justin, as it's Justin with the beautiful voice. The other name I was looking to match (meaning-wise) to another character is Persephone, Demeter's daughter. Apparently it means "Destroyer" And Kali is the goddess of the destruction-rebirth.... So maybe this is a sign that Calli should serve for both characters. Which, when I think about it, makes a lot of sense.... Hmmm....

It's one of those things where it's hard not to think it's some sort of sign. So I'll take the sign and follow it and see where it leads me.

Saw the Veep debate. Not sure who I think won. Know who I wanted to win, though... Anyway, we'll see what comes of it.

Let's see, what else can I talk about? I am still wiped out from too much to do and too little time to do it. Did I mention the earache? Yes, I thought I had. Did I mention the sore throat? Went around without a jacket again, but I did have a scarf. Helped with the sore throat and the earache.

I've been whining a lot lately, haven't I. I should try to kick myself out of that mode. Doesn't really help anything, even though I feel better for it in the end.

I just want to say that when the wind blows from the west, I know a hawk from a handsaw. Or whatever the quote is. Hamlet. Not sure I know a hawk from a handsaw, but I am watching the direction the wind comes from very carefully. I'd elaborate, but I'd probably get in trouble for it, so I'll leave it there.

Short paragraphs have no reason...

Yeah, well, been hearing too many 70s songs. What can I say?

Someone once wondered what it would be like to have my mind. I don't really think anyone would want it. Same person wondered what it would be like inside my mind... I was thinking about answering that. One of the biggest things in my mind is the apparently permanent fog. Another of the things in my mind is the little man behind the curtain pulling all the levers, who never seems to sleep or have a kind word for anyone. Who can't really see through the fog, which I guess is a defense against him, or something. But the cocoon/fog thing has been stronger than usual lately. I've heard people talk about cobwebs in the mind, and I guess that's what that's like. It muffles stuff and makes it hard to pay attention to anything. Rather like those one directional force fields... Stuff gets in, but can't get out again. Or is it stuff gets out, but can't get in again? I dunno. Anyway, you really don't want to be in my mind. I'm not even sure I do.

I've lost track of the time again, but I think I've got another three minutes if my clock agrees with the blog clock (give or take they're on pacific time and I'm not). After I log off here, I'm gonna do a quick scan of the NaNo boards and see if any of them interest me more than they did yesterday. And then it's off to Fourecks and bed. And yes, this paragarph has taken me at least three minutes to type, if I include this sentence, so I'm off. Hopefully I'll be more coherent tomorrow, but right now I feel like a bear with very little brain... But I am excited about the Calli/Kali thing.

In which I make no appologies

Yes, well, I didn't manage to squeeze in my 15 minutes yesterday. No worries, Mate. I've officially signed up for the NaNoWriMo (though I think I said that Friday, didn't I?) And I'm wondering if I should hang out in the YA forum or not. Posted a few things there, but it's full of very young writers. Not that I mind that, but their concerns will probably be slightly different from mine. Of course, won't have much time to "hang out" but if I do try to connect, I might also try the SF/F forum.

Did some coding-type stuff today. Did I mention I want to be independently wealthy so I could quite my job (and still buy a house)? Yeah, well, that's the plan. Getting the lottery ticket tomorrow. It's not as much of a non-sequitor as it looks, since one of the reasons I want to not have a job is to do more coding-type stuff. And writing, of course. But that's pretty much a given.

Ok, I need to make a mental note to go look up more names for some of my characters. Spent yesterday bouncing from one event to another, so I really didn't think much about the story. Also needed to ponder some writing for work, which is not going as well as I would like. Trying to get a "plot" of sorts for non-fiction-type writing is damned hard. But even factual stuff needs threads of some sort to hang onto. Try finding a plot thread for a simplified statistics story... I dare you....

So, turns out I didn't make up all the HGH stuff. Sundays is apparently "sell HGH Day" on the radio. Woke up to some guy telling us how wonderful the stuff is. I doubt it could be as wonderful as it was in the dream I built around the chatter, though. Honestly, I have no idea what it is really for as a supplement... Just know the infomercial types claim it's wonderful. But then, infomercial types always claim that sort of thing, so that's not really anything special.

I'm doing ok with the blog thing. If the day gets totally crazy (like yesterday) then I don't fare so well, but I've been more consistent than I thought I would be when I start this. I guess if I just don't skip two days in a row, I can really develop the habit. And I'm finding it helpful in terms of learning to put down stuff without thinking too hard. And not worrying about it after it's down- just move on to the next thing. Unlike the book, though, I don't plan to go back and fix it later. That's not the point of this. This is just pure first draft crap you are reading. You want polished, buy my first novel ;) ;)

Just do it. Like Nike says... That's the idea. Even if I toss half of it, I'll have more than I started with. But the key is going to be a little bit every day...

Welp, need to get back to the coding, so I'm not planning to run over my time tonight.

In which my train of thought derails

Ok, this one is very late, because I had an evening out. Went to the opera. Say that in whatever hoity-toity accent you choose. While I really enjoy Mozart, I do sympathize with the "too many notes" thing in Amadeus.

Actually signed up for the NaNoWriMo today, and set up my profile and all that fun stuff. Made some token posts. Had a brilliant idea, too, but now I forget what it was. One thing I'm thinking of is making Justin a very literal kid, except when he's playing and more or less lost in his own world. Calli is, I think, hurt by something. Not sure what yet. But she, too, gets lost in Justin's music. It's why they are friends. Still haven't gone and looked up the other names, but these two are the most important, obviously. Both are very bright, and like to solve puzzles, mysteries, etc. It's looking more YAish at the moment than a younger book.

My ear still hurts, though not enough to do anything about it. I mention it because typing seems to make it worse for some reason, and it's started to twinge more. I wonder if it's a muscle thing. Wouldn't surprise me- my muscles are a total mess. My wrist is starting to bug me too. Always does when I do a frantic stash-n-dash. I wish I felt as on top of it as I've managed to be, which, as little as it is, seems less to my mind. I totally feel like the kid with the finger in the dike. The part no one talks about is the water pouring over the top. I bet I said this exact same thing yesterday, didn't I? Oh well, it's just such a vivid image to me, and really nails the way I feel at the moment.

Ok, so what else can I write about? I'm kind of brain dead, but not quite up to sleeping. I'm just trying to make my fingers move across the keys just to make sure I've done my task of the day. I'm not even sure I am processing what I am typing, I am just kind of typing on autopilot. But the words go down. If this were a story, I'd keep about 1% of it...

I'm pausing more tonight, too, as I keep losing my train of thought. I can't even remember what I am thinking to say when I stop, either. The words are starting to blur on the page. Just a few more minutes, I can make it just a few more minutes....

Let's think about the book some more. Did Justin and Calli meet at school, or did they know each other before? They've known each other for several months, maybe more, by the time the story starts.

Whew, the 15 minutes are up now. I'm going to go crash and dream about my plot.